In our investigations, you may not always agree with me but at least you respect the journey. -Mulder · Squeeze

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Remember When

05/2005 Petey

thumbnail I can trace my memories of The X-Files back to the summer when I was 8 years old. That summer my dad bought a cottage. It had almost all the luxuries of our home including a television with 2 channels. One of them was Global (then MITV) Canada's sister station to Fox and was playing summer reruns of the first season of The X-Files. The episode was Squeeze, and all I remember is how much I thought Scully was pretty. She ranked right up there with my other red headed idol at that age, Beverly Crusher. As years went by The X-Files played through the back of my mind, the opening titles haunting me as they were usually the only thing I saw before my dad would tell me it was bed time.

The show began to really leave an impression on me when I watched my second ever episode, a summer rerun of Detour, again at the family cottage one Friday night. It was something more to add to the reasons why I shouldn't go out to the outhouse at night. That night I took my sister and the dog with me up the path in the woods to the bathroom. Again the memory does not reach farther than thinking that Scully was pretty (words like "hot" and "gorgeously sexy") did not exist in my vocabulary at the age of 12. A spark of a shipper shot through me from the episode. The scene in the woods left an impression on me, and even not being a fan or having any other knowledge of the show, when talks of the feature film came about I heard them. I saw the magazines and on the radio one morning I remember the morning crew talking about the film and saying that there were times when the characters got very close and there was a possibility of a kiss. My longing 13-year-old heart sighed at that moment. And I still had no real knowledge of the show.

Finally the show was on Sunday nights, and soon I was old enough to stay up after Malcolm and the Middle. I caught the show a few times in Season Seven. I saw him this time... he was tall, and damn, he looked good in that suit. And now there was another reason to want to be Scully, to be near that man.

I was a hard core shipper from that day. That one Sunday night, three or four weeks before the finale, I watched every day since then. It was late in Season Seven on Fox; I remember Hollywood A.D., the first time I saw it, it scared me! And Je Souhaite, the little popcorn and movie scene at the end filled my shipper heart with joy. Next was Requiem. It was the end of the show and for me it was only the beginning. Watching the Finale on a blurry screen at the family cabin during the long weekend in May and trying to hide my huge grin from mom and dad. I showed little enthusiasm towards the show on the outside, but inside my heart was crying. I kept myself tucked tightly under the blanket in my chair, I did not want mom and dad to notice my dilated pupils and brief flush of my cheeks when Mulder welcomed Scully into his bed, or the glisten in my eye at the end when Scully made her announcement to Skinner.

I couldn't keep my mind off the show after Requiem. I had to have as much as possible. I had to see the episodes that Requiem had alluded to. I searched the local TV Guide that came in the paper and found The X-Files on the Space Channel. They were running the fourth season. I can't imagine a better season to start off with. I even dragged my friends into it, having not yet discovered the online community of philes. We walked down to Blockbuster and rented the X-Files movie, and then we watched the episode running on the space channel, Leonard Betts. The thumb thing totally grossed my friend out and we gave her a wake up call in the morning by sticking a thumb in her face.

Without The X-Files I may never have found this online community that today is spanning into something more that I can do for the rest of my life, through graphic design and web design. And without this online community I would have no friends, having driven them mad with my obsession of the show. Once I get on something, it's hard to shut me up.

It's hard to believe that was 6 years ago! And it's been that long since I kept a diary. I don't know if I grew out of it, got tired of it, or I had no need for it since I found my online community of philes and my own website to express myself. I no longer had to live in my head by writing to myself in a secret book. The X-Files was my new outlet for expression. It made me unique in my own way but I was not alone in the world as I found a large community of people just like me and I grew from there.

I came into the show at a time of major changes. While some fans began to curse the show for continuing without Mulder, I prayed that the show would go on for much longer because I wanted to have the same first hand experience of the show. It was Mulder and Scully all the way for me, but I was able to accept Doggett and Reyes as legitimate characters having been introduced to Doggett so early in my full blown obsession. I was happy to see the show expanding through other characters, and have it become one of those shows that no matter what it just doesn't go away (like Law & Order and E.R.).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that The X-Files is the centre of my creativity. Even as I move on to things unrelated to the show, when I need a little help, I go back to what sparked my initial creative interests with episodes like Memento Mori, The Unnatural, Field Trip, and Milagro. Had I not discovered this show I don't know what else I would be doing now instead.